Parle with Sina

I was just a tiny girl who enjoyed scribbling stuff on paper. So you can imagine my excitement when I made my first income from writing blogs. As much as I enjoyed the taste of financial independence freelancing gave me in my undergrad, I wasn't totally happy.   At some point I hated the idea of writing, especially on topics I had no interest in. Imagine having to write about stuffs that are only available in the USA when you've never been to even Togo. Yes, turn your passion into profit. But it's not that simple. These challenging topics made me question my passion. I doubted if I truly loved writing. "Loathe" might seem like a strong word but it perfectly describes how having a deadline, writing on unfamiliar topics and receiving money for the one thing I loved the most made me feel. Motivational speakers made us think that making profit from our passion is automatic. Well, I have learned the hard way. Fairy tales of magical fixes for life exist only in books. ...

Personal will and strength to go through life is an illusion. It's until you give it up, breakdown and acknowledge the futility of trying to "be strong" that God can be your strength. The strength that God gives is peaceful- there's no internal struggle.

To or to not let your guard down?  A true dilemma. If you're someone who always gives an 100% you'll understand this dilemma. Only you, and maybe a few people you've trusted enough with access know this - that you're either in or out. There's no middle ground. But there's the period of sitting on the fence- you don't want out but you have no idea what the inside looks like.  Should you be committed or not?  You like a little certainty. But life is not certain. Life is a little miserable for the good people who expect everyone to be like them. Do you then walk around suspicious of everything? What misery! At this juncture, I wish Adam and Eve did not eat the forbidden fruit. Maybe we'll wouldn't have to make this defining life choices. But they did, so back to the discourse. How do you know when to let your guard down and for whom?  Maybe we'll never really know. Maybe we'll have to grow through life with the good and ugly.  If don't le...

The prodigal son is back again. I have no idea why I keep ghosting you. I hope I stay this time.  A lot has been happening, one minute I am optimistic about life and the next I doubt my life choices.  Although I know I have made more of good choices, I can't help beating myelf up at every mistake.  Making mistakes make me feel like the dog that goes back to it's votim- silly.  Here I am moping about just one error, unable to engage in any useful task. It's funny how I can type here but cannot carry out my writing tasks. Anger is truly semi madness. Pardon my rustiness, it's been awhile I let my feelings out.