Skip to main content

Rat Race


 Pre-varsity -
 I wanted to go to Oxford or Cambridge university 😂. I was so naive and obsessed. Well we know how that turned out. 

 Undergraduate
I was still nursing the idea of leaving - but maybe not Oxford again 😂. I wrote to schools, got brochures-hard and soft copies. 
I wasn't happy with the school I was in, I needed to leave. I was prepared to leave even at my penultimate year.
But I stayed.

NYSC-
I heard you had to get "certifications" from CIPM, NIM, ICAN, HSE, PMP... to be a "perfect candidate". So I got in the race,  I was crazily obsessed. I was in the race to just win, no idea what I really needed the trophy for.

There was the other lane for an MSc too. Who was I not to get into that too? Heard it gives you a better advantage in the society, so they said.🤦🏾‍♀️😂
I worked little and obsessed more on that.

Spent that period just worrying and gazing at the next phase, barely noticing the beauty of the present.

Postgrad

I'm barely halfway in and all I can think of is PhD? Jobs? Marriage? Next phase? 
I didn't even get to celebrate the new phase,  bask in the euphoria of achieving some goals. No emotions shown, no excitement, like I didn't make any sacrifices for the present level. 

I found the next thing to obsess about. 
It's just like I always find the next big task to place on myself and when it's done I don't even celebrate, instead I run, looking for the next thing. 
Maybe that's why I don't celebrate my birthday and important milestones. Or maybe I'm just a sadist 😂

Now I'm here I wondering what the race was really about.

Covid-19

I'm stopped in my track,  the blow is just huge. I'm slowed down but it's hard to slow down when all I've done for years is work myself mentally and physically. 

I get depressed and sad that my plan for myself is going to be disrupted.  I cried in the first few weeks of the lock down cos being still was unbearable.

However, I learned. I came to my senses, a bit or maybe to a great extent. Now I realise many things, one of is that, I hate Research work🤦🏾‍♀️and I don't enjoy many things on the path I was threading. 

I'm still learning to be still; I'm discovering new and better paths in life. 

So,

Work hard, but when you achieve any goals please celebrate them. I know it might look little compared to all your life's goals, but if you keep postponing the celebration till after you've achieved everything you want in life, you'll never live a happy life. I'm not cursing, it's the truth. 

Lastly, it's important to always ask ourselves why we doing what we're doing. Why am I pursuing this?  This question will save us from a lot of stress and from channelling our energy to unnecessary things.

Osinataylor🙂

Comments

Post a Comment

Add your comments here

Popular posts from this blog

Imperfect Change

It doesn't look like much, I know. However, I feel like I have achieved something today. I haven't worn a jean skirt in the last 3 years, but today I wore one. I've been staring at this skirt for weeks in my bag but today I stood up, picked it up and wore it. I didn't do much thinking about it. I didn't look in the mirror to see what it looks like. I just wore anyhow. We all have those things we have refused to do for one silly reason or the other and some for no reason at all.   We know we need to change but we're waiting for the time we think we'll be ready for the change. And the fact is, we'll never be truly ready to make the required change. We don't have to be ready, we just have to make the change anyhow we can. We have to grab the change at the neck and make it anyway. Just like this skirt looks one me, when the change is made, we'll be imperfect at first but then the change has occurred anyway. Your first attempt at doing that n...
16 comments
Read more

I Blame Myself

One empath struggle I constantly battle with is always feeling responsible for how I am treated by others. When someone does or says something hurtful to me, my first thought is that I caused it. "If I had respected myself enough to establish boundaries, X wouldn't have had the audacity to do this" "If I had worked harder on my career, I wouldn't be here to receive X treatment" The crazy list goes on... Once in a while I speak up immediately but most of the time I blame myself. I always expect more from myself and feel I shouldn't have put myself in a position to be hurt. Writing about it now makes me realize how hard I am on myself. It just doesn't make sense to be hard on the one person that you have. The one who's been with you true thick and thin - YOURSELF. How hard can it be to be kind to yourself?
1 comment
Read more

HOLD ON

I almost gave up, thinking I couldn’t take life anymore, but I heard a voice telling me to be still. There’ve been days when I fell so sick, so sick that I felt like it was the end. So sick that I wondered why I was brought to this earth in the first place. So sick that I couldn’t breathe, so sick I was ready to give up but He told me to hang on. There’ve been days when depression weighed me down. I felt I had no reason to be happy. I felt that life wasn’t working as it should. I felt like I had had enough of life, family and friends. I felt like dying (if only dying was the solution to depression). I felt so out of this world. I began to wonder if someone was really up there or whether I was the one being so insane to think that there was a big man living in the sky and controlling the earth. Because if there was really someone up there, all these bad things wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have died, I wouldn’t have had a blocked chest….. She wouldn’t have died just like that...
3 comments
Read more